Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Not a good start to the day :(

I am having quite a shit day and it's barely even started. Woke up in the middle of the night after dreaming that I'd had the baby and the baby had died. It really, really upset me and I just don't seem to be able to stop worrying about this pregnancy. I can feel that I'm not investing in it emotionally for fear of things ending up badly and this dream just makes things worse. There's not much Big V can say to comfort me either, other than the, 'It's ok', 'The baby is fine' type responses and I know I shouldn't worry because it doesn't help anyway but it doesn't seem to make it stop. 

On top of this I am sick of being itchy round my neck and upper torso. There's no real discernible rash but when I look closely the skin looks dry and slightly crepe like. My butt muscle is giving me the absolute shits and I am sick of not being able to get around as easily as I would like. All these things combined are really chipping away at me and I'm feeling very low. Big V is also stressed because he has a hearing on today so we had an argument over nothing this morning which I'm sure neither of us needed. It is hard when both parties in a relationship are stressed. It feels like you just want the other person to give time and effort to you but if they are low as well and they want the same thing no one's going to get anything if you're both empty!

When he left for work I couldn't help but cry because I just felt overwhelmed by everything. Little V saw and was so lovely. She came and hugged me and said 'Mummy sad, come cuddle, wipe the tears away.' Which made me feel a lot better.  She is awesome.  I hate being down in the dumps. I feel like it is a waste of time so I'm going to harden up and get on with the day because I don't like being a sulky bob! If only I could stop itching and limping!

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